astitchaway's Diaryland Diary



I think... I hate when I get like this. When every day feels hopeless and there's a thickness in the air I can only describe as doom. I don't... Well I don't like it. At all. But it's what the depression does. It makes every little thing that isn't going perfect feel like the end of the world. I feel sad for no reason. I want to cry with no triggers. It gets better, then it gets worse, then it gets MUCH worse. And there's never any indicator that it's changing. It's just, instant. Good to bad. Great to miserable. Polar opposites. I hate it. The first second I'm alone it all come rushing to focus. This is why I end up over indulging in anything that's going to take it from my mind. Like video games, or constantly being attached to social media. Because it makes me forget about the real world, if only for a few minutes. I know writing is the same, but the writing requires some what of a dive into the subconscious. Video games don't. Conversation doesn't. Least of all when I haven't had a conversation of any substance in weeks. It's all, pointless... Weather, kids from school, band guys, TV shows, video games...

I'm so bored of feeling this way.

1:04 a.m. - 2016-03-08


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