astitchaway's Diaryland Diary


This box

I've been doing great at separating my emotions. Like, when I'm upset with someone, I address it with them and no one else. Private business and all that. I was, emphasis,doing great
Then everyone starting back with the " I should keep to myself " "mind my own business" and the ones who still pretended are starting through the words. And worse, like I was invisible.

I can't internalize these feelings, I don't have any more room inside my fucked up head. Every around me is selfish and treat me like I don't matter (enough to even do their own dishes so have room to do nice). They don't listen because they don't respect me, then they treat me like they're be better off without me when I do everything, and that's exactly what I rink people should help.more.

I've sadly said thisall before seems like the most commonly repeated subject and all boils down to :my family doesn't give a shit about me or my needs because they're all too coats in their own.

Right here, I should add that I'm hysterical. A total wreck. Bawling and shaking and I've taken two Ativan and head four shots, and none is it is helping this rage inside me. Wotse that all keep knocking at my door saying "if there's anything we can do".... No shit assholes. But I've already tools you what I wanted since and with no results. I stopped answering the disingenuous texts.

I was doing good pushjng of my urges to self destruct (I have a new boy in my life who had been trying to help). But I'm ohmy human. And I feel defeated. And when nothing else works to ease my head is this pain, I take to causing it elsewhere. And now my new need spread had blood all over it.

This is the only place I can go to express myself. You guys are the only ones who listen, and sympathize. I wish I could crawl into this box and never leave.

7:14 p.m. - 2016-03-25


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